Sad not bad
If people tell you you are no good often enough you end up believing them; they can't all be wrong can they? People have been telling me I'm no good for as long as I can remember. They tell me to my face or say it behind my back. "You're no good, Danny Black," they say and "Danny Black? He's no good, he won't amount to anything."
I don't remember much about my Dad, he left Mum and me when I was still a baby and we never heard any more from him; haven't got a clue where he is now. People say he was no good but I'd still like to have known him and had him in my life. I didn't have friends at school; the kids used to take the piss out of me and anyway I couldn't do a lot of the things that they all did. For instance I could never have kids home for tea with me. When your Mum's an alcoholic life isn't what you might call normal. Other kids went home to play while their mothers made them tea, watched T.V. with them or helped them with homework when we had it. When we were smaller they got bathed and had bedtime stories read to them. I never had any of that. I didn't know what I was going to find when I got home, it depended on how long Mum had been drinking and what she had chosen to drink. From a very young age when I got home from school I would have to sort us out something to eat, clean up after her if she had been sick and very often I had to get her up to bed. So clean clothes were a bit hit and miss and the kids took the piss out of me for that too.
Sometimes Mum would try and stay sober and I know she tried hard but it didn't take very much for her to fall off the wagon. She didn't like being drunk she just found it hard to deal with life if she was sober. I don't think she ever got over my Dad leaving us and it can't have been easy for her. So I was lonely, simple as that. All I ever wanted was to be accepted by other people and made to feel I was worth something. I thought I had found that when I met Spike and his mates Butch and Basher. I was wandering around town on my own for want of anything better to do and they were lounging outside one of the pubs having a smoke.
"Oi! What are you up to mate?" said Spike as I was passing by so I stopped and we got chatting. I met up with them quite regularly after that and we used to hang out. Sometimes we'd nick cars and go for a spin - that was exciting although I did know it was wrong. But they accepted me as I was and I hadn't had that before. Maybe I was just a chip off the old block and like my Dad after all - I don't know. They were up for all sorts, a bit of thieving here and there but then this virus put the kybosh on everything. We used to chat on zoom but nothing was going on so it was a bit boring really. But they still included me and I wanted to impress them, get their respect.
They were moaning about the fact that with lockdown everyone was at home all the time so the chances of doing a bit of breaking and entering were pretty much zero. And that's when I got to thinking about the house in the village that was standing empty waiting to be cleared out and put up for sale. Some woman had tried to top herself and the Vicar had found her and she'd got to hospital but there was some sort of carry on in the hospital and she ended up having a heart attack or something. She died anyway. It seemed pretty straightforward to me, how hard could it be to break into an empty house? I mentioned it to the lads and they were quite impressed but told me to watch my step, what to nick and what sort of time would be best to crack it. I felt quite good about myself, I mean, I know it was wrong but I was good for nothing so what difference did it make?
Mum didn't like me hanging out with the lads but I'm eighteen now, I figure I can do what I want. I cased the joint several times and worked out that I would be able to get in round the back quite easily. I nearly got caught out by Jason Snipes on one occasion, I didn't realise he was watching me from his garden. When push came to shove I nearly bottled it but the thought of telling the lads all about it spurred me on; just for once I was going to get respect for something I'd done.
When it came down to it there wasn't much by way of pickings - bit of cash, some odd bits of jewellery - nothing much but I'd done it! Except I got caught. Jason Snipes was waiting for me and it was easy enough to give him the slip but then I ran straight into the bloody Vicar and he was a different kettle of fish I can tell you. It wasn't no picnic being in the police cell and I was bricking it at the thought of going to court. My brief seemed fairly confident I wouldn't get sent down but I wasn't so sure and Mum was beside herself, drinking more than ever - said it was the worry.
As it happened my brief was right; I didn't get sent down although I wouldn't want to go through all that again and I had to stop hanging out with the lads. I was on my own again. Mum was talking about giving up the booze but I've heard all that before but this time she swore she meant it. The Vicar's taken to ringing her up every now and then which is a bit of a turn up for the book when you think about it.
But maybe things are going to change! I've always loved old cars - I mean the really old ones. I was walking the other day and copped a real beauty on the forecourt of the garage just outside our village. I was having a closer look when G.G. - Mr. Greenway the owner came out and asked me what I was about. I told him I wasn't doing any harm - people look at me and they always think the worst. He told me about the car and took me inside to show me some photos of other cars they had worked on up there - you wouldn't believe the transformation! Then he asked me if I would like to learn how to fix up old motors. Would I! So he's given me a job! Got to start at the bottom serving fuel to begin with but it's possible I might get a proper apprenticeship - I don't know - I'll leave all that to G.G. but I can't believe by luck. Mum said she was really proud of me - she's never said that before and now I'm working she seems to be getting a grip on things as if she realises that if I'm working I can't be cleaning the house and looking after her.
Someone wrote some books about our village and the various goings on and until Mr. Greenway offered me my job I didn't look that good. I don't know if there are going to be any more books about us, this one pictured is the third out of four. One thing's for sure, if there are any more, Danny Black is going to look a damn sight better than he did in the others. Check them out!
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